It’s been quite a long time since I’ve written. The last time I updated my blog was while I was in residential treatment at ERC Denver. Thankfully, I am back home and have been since January 3rd. I took some time off from blogging due to the business of life-being in treatment at the end of the year, then coming home and starting my 2nd semester of senior year while doing IOP in the evenings. I have been exhausted.
I am slowly weaning out of IOP (I only go 2 nights a week and have about 9/10 more weeks left!), and am finally caught up with the school that I missed. It’s spring break next week and that helps too.
I want to continue blogging and working on my recovery in this support system. I hope you all are doing well and I am excited to reconnect (: I thought it would be nice to share with you a bit
that I wrote in my journal the night before I left ERC. I hope it will bring some inspiration or insight into your day.
January 2, 2016
It is insanely hard to tell myself “I will never be in treatment again” or “I will not relapse” or “I will never step on a scale again” or “I will not count calories anymore”. It’s even harder for me to tell myself that “I will give up my eating disorder”. Instead of being drowned by those large statements, I am just focusing on doing the next right thing. Am I counting calories now? No. Am I relapsing now? No. Am I on the scale right now? No. Right now, I am in recovery and that is all that I have control over.
I am going home tomorrow. I do not know how it will go. I do not know what the kids at school will say to me. I do not know how I will handle my first meal back in the cafeteria or my first morning snack during class. But I know that I will be okay. I have lived 6,645 days so far. I have probably thought to myself “I cannot possibly survive today” 1,000 times. But I have proven that I can survive. Why would tomorrow be any different?