Recently, I have been in a very reflective mood. I think it is a combination of a consistent journalling practice and having more free time due to the semester being over. One thing that has come to my attention recently is the fact that yes, I am talking the talk. Now I need to start walking the walk.
What do I mean by this? I mean the fact that I have made tremendous progress mentally in my recovery. I am actively trying to fight stigmas, trying to pursue my values, practicing self care regularly, attending appointments, and so forth. But I am not walking the recovery walk.
Ask anyone who has an eating disorder: it isn’t just about the food. But honestly, I have not completed my meal plan once since August. And that is not recovery either. It is not recovery for me to be consistently eating xxx calories under my meal plan and just enough to function “normally”, but not enough to really be alive. It is time for me to continue the work I have been doing. But I also cannot keep talking the talk without walking the walk when it comes to food.
Steps I am willing to take:
- Increase my calories over break to the amount I have set
- Eat breakfast every morning
- Eat a full meal plan dinner with my family every night
I am going to do the following to help me with my intention:
- Plan activities to keep me busy to prevent urges from taking over (family board games after dinner, meeting with friends, etc)
- Visiting my at-home dietician and therapist over break
- Keep the following low-volume grocery stables on hand: avocados/guacamole, pb, nuts, Orgain, nuts, cheese sticks
- Keep up with my daily journal practice to track my thoughts